Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back? Simple Steps To Help You Now

No one said getting your ex boyfriend back was easy.  In fact, it can be quite hard, when you're desperately hoping to bring him back into your life.  And so, you may be asking yourself, "Can I get my ex boyfriend back?"

Of course, he has seemingly moved on to the next chapter of his life, and you can't read his clues to see if he really wants you.  But figuring out where to start to get him back is easier than you may think.

However, in determining whether he wants to find his way back into your heart, it's important to remember a few things.  These include the following:

You deserve respect.

He's not going to tell you he's interested.

Respect yourself

In determining whether or not you can get your ex your ex boyfriend back, remember that you come first.  By bringing him back to you, you will find happiness, right?  Before you answer this question, take some time to think about yourself.  Don't try to get back together, if you know he's going to bring you down.  Compromising your own values will only bring you down.

But you can get him back.  All you need to do is read his signals.  This is easier said than done, of course, but it is essential to read his cues to determine if it is right.  Does he stare at you longingly?  Does he stop what he's doing to talk to you?  If so, you're on the right track.

His interest

Figuring out how to bring him back can be trickier than you think.  But the thing to remember is that he's not going to come out and say he wants you back.  Chances are that he's insecure, too.  He's probably wondering whether you feel the same way.  The best thing you can do to get your point across is to respond to his nonverbal and verbal communication.

Smile if he smiles.  Offer to chat for a few minutes, if he calls.  Most likely, he's wondering the very same thing: "Can I get her back?"

In answering the question, "Can I get my ex boyfriend back," the answer is a decisive yes.  Don't say no to this opportunity.  You can and will get him back.

Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back 101 - 3 Steps To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Love is one of the most complicated emotions you can experience. Of course, you probably already know that, if you're trying to get your ex boyfriend back. Every couple you see makes you long to hold his hand, to touch him. Every love song you hear conjures up a waterfall of emotions. You can't get him out of your mind.

What you may not realize, though, is that there are a number of steps to get your ex boyfriend back. They're quite simple. As long as you follow them, you are well on your way to welcoming him back into your life.

Before you begin, remember that reuniting with an old flame can take time.  There are a number of steps you should take. They can involve a number of things, but these are perhaps the most important:

Take time for self reflection

See if he's interested

Get to know him again

Self Reflection

If you've broken up and are considering getting back together with your ex boyfriend, you need to be ready emotionally. Take time to think about what you want. Will a relationship complicate your life right now, or are you genuinely ready to live life as a we?

Make a list of the pros and cons.

Is he interested?

Don't put yourself too much on the line by proclaiming your undying love. Instead, talk to him to get a feel for whether or not he's interested.  Does he smile at you? Does he make time for you, when other people need him?

If you've answered yes to these and similar questions, he's probably interested in getting you back. Return his smiles, and show him you're interested by taking extra time out of your day for him.

Getting to know him

He may have changed. The steps to get your ex boyfriend back are quite simple, but it's important to get to know him again, before you try to get him back. See if his opinions have changed. Is he kinder?  What are his opinions on life? If what he says is acceptable to you, tell him you think about him once in a while. Not only will this make him want you, but it will make him wonder what you meant.

Getting back with your ex boyfriend can no doubt be tricky. However, following these simple steps can simplify the process and make bringing him back much easier. Look into his eyes and discover his interest Before you know it, he will take you by the hand and walk you into the sunset of his love.

How to Grow Into Love With Your Partner - 3 Ways to Help Develop Your Relationship

Learn to open yourself up
In order to grow in love, you need to be able to allow yourself to open up a bit more. Learn to share your heart, your dreams and fears with your partner not holding back in letting your partner know your feelings. You have to allow yourself to be a bit vulnerable so as to really find out whether your partner can be trusted with knowing your true feelings.
Let them know you are in love with them
There is nothing like telling someone you love them for the first time. However, you have to know that you love them, and finding out whether you love someone or not can be a difficult thing to comprehend. Gauges that i have used to find out whether I loved someone or not are the lengths i would go to do something for them, or to see them, or whether i could spend a day without them. When you know that you love someone, let them know and wait for the fireworks to go off.
Take love seriously
If you really love your partner, how much would you do for them? Would you defend them no matter what? That's a far out question. But many people who have been in love have done such a thing, because they could not bare to see their loved one in any kind of difficulty. If you're really and truly in love, that's the kind of thing you would be thinking with out question.
I hope this has been helpful to you in giving some ideas to help your relationship prosper.

If you would like some more resources to help you in your relationship go to [http://www.bettermyrelationship.com]

5 Ways to Make a Guy Addicted to Your Love

You don't need to buy a magical potion or undergo plastic surgery and borrow a celebrity's face just to make a guy addicted to your love. If you want someone to fall head over heels in love with you, there are far cheaper and more effective ways of doing so.
Tip #1: Look your best.
Love at first sight is not possible, but physical attraction at first glance certainly is. Before you can make a guy addicted to your love, you need to make him addicted to your looks your first. Work on looking your best. There's a difference between being beautiful and attractive, and understanding this will help you get your man.
Even if you're not born with drop-dead gorgeous looks, you can still be stunningly attractive but you have to work hard for it. Learn how to enhance your looks with the right hair cut, makeup, and clothes.
Tip #2: Be confident.
A guy's less likely to be addicted to your love if you don't show him from the start that you're well worth that kind of attention. As such, you can't just talk the talk. You have to walk the walk, too! Carry yourself with confidence. Nice clothes are meant to increase your confidence but not create it. Confidence has to come from within and your sincere belief that you're attractive and able to give as good as it gets.
Tip #3: Have a fulfilling life.
Making a guy addicted to your love doesn't just depend on looking good and being confident. The physical and intimate side of love is just one aspect. You also need to be intellectually stimulating or just plain good company for a guy to be addicted to your love.
Guys may seem shallow with their tastes, but in the end they still want the whole package. They want a girl they'd be proud to have on their arms but they'd also want a girl they could enjoy talking all day long. To be this type of girl, you simply need to enjoy yourself. Don't make your world revolve solely around the guy you like. Find out what else can make you happy. Discover your passion or calling in life.
Tip #4: Love him well.
Remember that love is all about giving and taking. Making a person addicted to your love is one thing. Keeping him addicted is another, but you can easily do that if you love him with all your heart.
It's important to spend more time taking care of your partner instead of using the time to come up with more ways on how he should love you. If you truly love a person, you'll be happier making him happy instead of waiting for him to make you happy. And if he loves you in return, he'll feel the same and act the same way, too.
Tip #5: Ask for advice.
Don't be shy to ask for help whenever needed. Keeping a guy addicted to your love can be hard work at times, and it's simply because men and women think differently. If there are older and more experienced couples you can turn to for advice, don't hesitate to ask for it.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5876430

Why Beautiful Women Are Unhappy

Causes of unhappiness are numerous, and some women are happy, but the focus of this article is on why beautiful women -in particular- are usually not happy.
It is a fact that most pretty women- worldwide- are unhappy, and this is because of many reasons. The reasons are:
1-High Expectations: being pretty, the woman expects more care & attention from her male partner. Sometimes the partner gives her some attention, but to her that is not enough, at least not enough according to her high standards.
2-Unworthy Partner: some beautiful women have reasons to think that they are superior to their partner, particularly if he is not handsome or rich or caring. They develop the feeling that he is not worthy of their beauty and that they should start looking for another partner.
3-Too Much Attention: it is common for a beautiful woman to get more attention, and normally men would look at her more than usual. In the beginning, she may like the attention, but as it gets more and more, she begins to feel it as an emotional pressure. Wherever she goes, whether to shopping malls, cinemas, coffee shops... etc., as more men (and even women) stare at her, she starts to hate going outdoor because of this pressure.
These causes are nuisance and can become irritating, but some women can cope and deal with them. However, the main cause of unhappiness among beautiful women is sexual abuse.
4-Sexual Abuse: During childhood or early adulthood, pretty girls suffer from sexual harassment or sexual abuse, usually and sadly, by... a relative. They grow with that negative experience and become unhappy beautiful mature women. Why Unhappy?
Negative Attitude: They tend to develop negative associations with life. Firstly, they may hate men, fear men, hate sex, and even worse develop a negative attitude towards life. They develop limiting beliefs like: men are monsters, men want only to use their body, they can not live happily, they are a prey... etc. Then they start to develop the notion of being a victim in life. They see all circumstances happening to them as if to victimise them, even positive events. They become hostile in their personality. Some of them as they grow, they think that they forgot the experience and that they do not remember it, at least on a daily basis, which is true. However, the unconscious mind which stored that experience makes her behave as if she remembers it very well. The unconscious mind may block - partially or completely- remembering the experience, but that does not mean it is gone. It is still very much in her system, emotional and mental system. Some women of that experience can succeed in finding a man and even marry him, but the relationship is far from happy or "natural". Why? Because she unconsciously is still defensive towards the man -husband in this case - and she is feeling insecure inside. This defensive attitude will make any relationship hard for both partners and especially for her.
The combination of these 4 causes mentioned here can make the beautiful woman feel as if her beauty is a curse on her. She wish that she were ugly. She becomes very unsatisfied with her life.
Any Solutions? What to Do?
Fortunately, therapy and personal coaching has become so advanced that there are many tools and techniques to deal with this widespread issue.
Useful Tips:
1-Tell the Secret by all Means: Some women are too shy to tell their secret to anyone. If you are that type, find a trusted friend and tell them what happened to you. According to the University of Texas, Austin, writing down secrets or telling them to a therapist, can decrease the level of stress hormones in your body. According to neuroscientist David Eagleman, keeping a secret can increase stress hormones. Furthermore, it is better to share that secret with your partner so as to make it easier for him to understand you and your behavior. You can also write your secrets in a daily journal or diary.
2-Use Self-Help Tools and Downloads: If you do not want to share your secret, you can use personal development audio downloads, especially, hypnosis downloads. These are very helpful for specific issues like phobias and traumas. With downloads, you do not need to share your experience with anyone. Be selective about the downloads and choose only the most relevant. It is better to ask before buying any download because the variety of these can be confusing to you.
3-Consult a Therapist or a Coach: even if you are too shy or afraid to share your experience, you can still seek the professional help of a coach. You can give a hypothetical name and location. The therapist is only interested in the details of the negative experience. It does not matter to therapists what name you use. Even you can do the consultation online rather than physical consultation which can also protect your identity, if that is crucial to you. Consulting a coach is your best option, even if it is expensive. You need to get rid of your negative past and live happily.
4-Join a Support Group: There are many online support and help groups you can join and get yourself expressed. You are not alone and there are many women like you who are suffering from the same experience, and they would love to share it with persons like you.
Remember many women were unhappy at some point of their lives, but with proper help, they succeeded in overcoming it and became happy again. You... too can do that. Smile at life... and it will smile back to you. Everyone loves a beautiful smile...

Many resources and self-help tools are available in my website http://www.coolaura.com. Free applications for personal development and goals orientation

How to Choose Your Partner and Build a Stronger Relationship

Finding the right person and building a relationship is the topic of the century. More and more people break up, divorce or find themselves lonely and disappointed by their partners.
In my own journey I have tried to understand what have I overlooked. It turned to me that key and most common to a couple's success is the willingness to invest. Just like you take time to go through education, specialize in your job, learn a foreign language or raise a child, a couple is no different. Requires effort to build it and constant attention and interest for your beloved one. Here is what to look for in broad lines and 3 categories.
Firstly, at the beginning, you need to look for some common grounds related to life in general. Mind for similar level of education and career aspirations, choice of geographical location, desire for long-term relationship or building a family. Same applies for lifestyle expectations, religion and values or sexual compatibility.
Secondly, watch for deal-breakers: vices, infidelity, abuse, immaturity, 3rd party intervention, self and self-worth insecurities, care for appearance and cleanliness. As you dive into the relationship, recheck for point 1 above: religion and upbringing differences, long distance, significant income differences, money interests or money or fame greed, another family, interest for personal development.
Thirdly, if you feel comfortable that the above criteria does not raise major issue, then, it is worthwhile paying a closer attention to building your partnership at a stronger level. Perhaps you have already been doing so, which is great, this will therefore only raise your awareness.
1. Build each other's confidence, treat with trust and respect
2. Support individual projects for further personal growth and sharing
3. Ensure time together for common passions and hobbies
4. Practice positivity, patience and whatever you do, do it with good intentions and love
5. Increase your level of presence and embody two-way communication (when in conflict talk about facts and your feelings without throwing arrows at the other person)
As the relationship advances and years pass, perhaps remind yourself to:
1. Make sure you stay in touch: hug, kiss, write, talk, plan for connection and intimate moments
2. Realign your priorities, interests and vision for success (avoids unmet expectations)
3. Don't get lost in roles (parent, child or toxic relationships; you are an adult for your couple) or lose identity (do only things that other wants and not take care of self)
4. Practice healthy communication (positive feed-back, allow SARAH, conflict resolution)
5. Don't get caught in thoughts, worries and material possessions, but take life with ease and be in the flow. That will bring security and joy in a natural way
How do you know he or she is the right ''one'' for you?
If all things in the right direction, you feel it. Your intuition tells you. You effortlessly flow in the same direction, you dream together, you do not care what others think or say. Your partner is your friend, lover and confident and you grow together. In a partnership fears are waived, feelings are not guessed but shared, disapproval will be done from equality. You are comfortable together and you want to be part of each other's activities even if they don't seem extremely special. Doing nothing is wonderful together. You are joyful, energized and passionate. Conversations unwind, you laugh at each other without hearting feelings and you don't feel an urge to control what the other is doing.
Depending on your stage in life and personal agenda, above may or may not apply. You may wish to decide for yourself what is the criteria that matters at every step. Make your own list of ''musts'' and ''deal-breakers''. Whilst picturing it, you may come to realize lots of things about what is important to you, what really matters in your relationships and what are the things that you could never come to terms with. Generic recipes don't work for everybody. They are meant to kick the process of self-discovery, investigation and personal development.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9482249

True Love - What is Love to You?

People attached different meaning to the word "love". The major reason behind this is that there are different kinds of love that can unite one human being to another. There is love between parents and children. There is love between siblings. There is love between friends. There is love made of caring and affection but devoid of sexual feelings. And there is the kind of love we call romantic love.
Nathaniel Branden says that love is the experience of joy in the existence of loved object, joy in proximity, and joy in interaction or involvement. This love's definition is good, however, love is not just a feeling of the heart, a decision of the mind or a behavioural response; it involves all three modes of expression. Love is the emotional response to that which we value highly and to love another human being is to know and be known by them. Love is also attitudes about oneself and others, a decision to commit oneself to the loved one.
Love consist the following feelings:
- Warm enjoyment,
- Companionship,
- Highly sexualise,
- Admiration,
- Respect and caring.
Myth of Love - irrational beliefs about love.
There are problems nowadays with the word "love". "Love" has become one of the most misused and misunderstood word in our language. The irrational beliefs about love now prevent us from coming to an adequate understanding of what genuine love really is. Many young people, especially young woman think that relationships work in reality like they do in romance novels and movies. They think that a relationship comes easily with plenty of romance and happy endings.
Therefore majority of our women are being led astray when love is viewed as a delightful passion and priceless emotional gift. There, you will see man and woman who are not only emotional involved but also sexually attracted to each other without true love. And before you know it they get married without genuine love in them.
Below are the areas where love is being sabotaged by our myths.
- Love is blind when a person falls in love by simply accepts the other person without any conscious awareness of the weaknesses, differences, or short comings. A lover who sacrificed his two eyes... is best example.
- Love is external when love is beyond our control. A lady that was raped and eventually turned into pregnant woman has to accept the fate. Being in love does not require a decision on her part, because love just hits her unexpectedly; it is her destiny!
For a perfect relationship to be achieved at home there should be these Three Components of Love - intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacy refers to the feelings of closeness, connectedness and bonding that you may experience in a love relationship. If truly you are in good term with others you must desire to promote the welfare of the people around you primarily your spouse. You can only relate to a person when he or she is in the good mood. Make people by meeting their needs. Ensure to make your spouse happy at every time. Listening build trust, therefore, ready to listen to any complaint brought by your spouse and give emotional support as required from you. This brings you honor having high regard for him or her, because you have already built high quality relationships with them.
You will also agree with me that having intimate communication with the loved one helps most of the time. Imagine a married man working like a clock without stop and create less attention on his family affairs. How will he has intimacy with his wife at home? As it is in a man so will have in a woman. A woman that is found in the habit of going to several ceremonies here and there will have no time to discuss with her husband at home.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2710797

The Need for Love and a Relationship

Men and women were created to be physically attracted to each other, irrespective of their looks, stature, colour or other qualities that differentiate one person from another. What causes attraction between the opposite sex is in-built in men and women. This is why couples fall in love with each other and later get married - just as it was intended by God, the Creator.
However, "many couples fall in love, marry, and assume that the job is completed. They believe that everything else will work out automatically." This is far from the truth. A successful relationship does not come by chance. It has to be worked for in love by the couples concerned.
"The cure for all the ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrow and the crimes of humanity, all lies in one word - 'love'. It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life. To each and every one of us, it gives the power of working miracles if we will." According to Nancy Van Pelt, "thousands commit suicide each year, multitude flock to the courts for divorce while many are in mental hospitals, all for the lack of love and human affection".
Dr. Smiley Blanton in his book, Love or Perish, says "For more than forty years I have sat in my office and listened while people of all ages and classes told me of their hopes and fears... As I look back over the long, full years, one truth emerges clearly in my mind - the universal need for love... They cannot survive without love: they must have it or they will perish."
When love fails, relationships fall into ruins and impossible frustrations deluge those involved and those around them. Such emotional pressure may result in juvenile delinquency, adult crime, alcoholism and various forms of drug addiction.
You need to love your spouse. "It is love that spins the universe, and when we fail to use love properly, all of life suffers." The truth is that we all need love in huge quantities. Love is the single most important force contributing to our total well-being. With love in your relationship, you can forge ahead through life's most bitter moments and also withstand insults and cruelty.
A word of caution is necessary here. Do not expect unconditional love from your spouse all the time! This is humanly impossible. You must recognize that your spouse demands a certain standard of behaviour from you before he or she will be able to love you more.
Love - the Woman's Perspective
Love is necessary for human survival, and women have great capacity for love and capacity to be loved. A woman's love is seen in the home when she prepares the family meal, when she washes her spouse's and children's clothes, when she cares for the children in a variety of other ways. A woman's love is expressed when she speaks to or discusses with her husband. When she rises early to prepare the children for school, her love shines through. Her fervent prayers for the man's success speak of her love. Her warm greetings as the man leaves in the morning and when she arrives home at night evidence her great love for the man.
A woman's capacity to love can bring out the very best from a man. Her love can keep a man from a life of crime. Her love can spark hope and renewed trust in a man - making him feel wanted and important. When a man's hopes and dreams are shattered, her love can comfort him. When discouragement sets in and dreams crumble, the woman can help him build new ones.
The world needs the gentle, loving, affectionate touch of a woman, and the love within her merely awaits the right man to tap its fountain of love and affection. Women also have enormous capacity for love. Not only do they have to share affection, they also have large capacity to absorb love in return.
Often when a young man woos a young woman, he persists all day with sweet words and kind deeds. This suddenly stops as soon as the young man has won the young woman over, forgetting the woman's intense need to feel loved on a daily basis for the rest of her life.
Because of her capacity for affection, daily expressions of romantic love are vital to a woman's existence. It is the key to her self-worth, her satisfaction with married life, and her sexual responsiveness. By consistently and thoughtfully expressing romantic love, many men could melt even the most frigid woman.
While love and romance is sweet and play an important role in a relationship, it may be reasonable to conclude here that love alone is not enough. "A cake made from nothing but sugar would soon dissolve."
Love - the Man's Perspective
Men are lovers, but their approach to love differs from that of women. Men are affectionate by nature, and it is a gross misunderstanding to think that men resort to affection only when it involves sex. Although a man's love may not be so directly tied to his emotions as a woman's, it is still very real. He is just more often practical and less romantic in his demonstration of love.
A man shows his love as he juggles the bank account to buy things for the home, the wife and the children. A man may feel very little emotion in rising very early in the morning and returning very late at night every day, but his main reason for doing so is his love for his family. Men endure this routine for a lifetime and often as for a little more than meals and an embrace at the proper time.
No matter how rough the outside of a man, tenderness and love still lurks underneath the surface. A man by nature is kind, affectionate, loving and sentimental. He has tender ways and can be deeply thoughtful. And he expresses his love for his family in a variety of ways.
Whereas love does not make up a man's entire existence, he cannot live without it. Love motivates a man to work, plan, sacrifice, invest, expand and pursue. It is for love that he gives up his singleness, accepts full financial responsibility for her and all children born to the union, and gives away his most prized possession - freedom.
There is no limit to the love a woman can receive from a man when she learns to open the door to his heart, for she can provide the right emotional atmosphere for him to freely expose his feelings and dare to share his love.

For full report on how to keep your love and relationship alive, go to http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Need-Love-Relationship/dp/B017RX9HV0/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1454433049&sr=1-9&keywords=Anthony+Ekanem

7 Tips for Practicing Unconditional Self Love

When we think of love, especially on Valentine's Day, we think of romantic love. Romantic love is great and we all want it! It's necessary to keep the species going and so it is hard-wired into us.
Dr. Helen Fisher, a top biological anthropologist, says romantic love is "one of the most addictive substances on earth". When we fall in love our brains serve up a cocktail of feel-good chemicals and regions of the brain light up that are the same as a person feeling the high of cocaine. The problem is that we keep looking outside of ourselves to find the feeling of love and so we're dependent upon another person or situation to create that feeling for us. Our media and entertainment world bombard us with the idea that we are not complete until that special person shows up to make us whole. That gives away our power and distracts us from the real source of love, which is within.
When we live from the place of higher love, we are able to be open to unconditional self-love which allows us to radiate out love to others. As Marci Shimoff says in her book, Love for No Reason, you "stop being a love beggar and become a love philanthropist, dispensing love, kindness and goodwill wherever you go." When you aren't loving to yourself you actually block the flow of love to the rest of the world and you block yourself from receiving love from others.
What is unconditional love?
Loving unconditionally means we place no conditions on love. It isn't dependent on anyone, including ourselves, to act, think or speak in any particular way in order to earn it. It is given, no matter what. When you love yourself unconditionally you treat yourself like your own best friend.
So how do we connect to that higher, unconditional love within us? Our very essence is love. We simply haven't been taught to tap into our own essence and how to love ourselves. Love is about letting go of fear. The opposite of love is fear. Every negative emotion we have comes from a state of fear--hate, anger, worry, jealousy. As it says in the Bible, "There is no fear where love exists."
Here are some steps to move into a state of love:
1. Get into the mindset that you deserve unconditional love.
If you think others deserve it, why would you be any different? Remember that you can't give to someone else what you won't give to yourself. Give yourself permission to focus first on yourself.
2. Consider your self-talk.
How much of it is loving? Chances are, you spend a lot of your internal chatter in blame, recrimination and negativity. This is fear speaking to you. What do you secretly believe about yourself or what outcomes do you fear? A common belief is "I'm not worthy." When you catch yourself in negative self talk, simply challenge those thoughts and turn them around. Are they really true? Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend or a small child.
3. Celebrate Yourself
Notice when you shift a negative thought into a loving one and celebrate it! Give yourself credit for all the wonderful things you do. Are you taking yourself for granted?
What are the skills, talents and gifts you bring to the world? Take a quiet moment and write down a list of your abilities and accomplishments. If you feel stuck, ask your family and friends. You may be surprised at what they see in you that you don't. Then return the favor--have a love fest! Review the list often and bask in joy of having so much going for you!
4. Accept All of Yourself
We all make mistakes. This is part of life and growth. Appreciate the lessons and gifts from the times you made a choice that didn't go as you wanted it to. Love the shadow part of yourself as much as the light and you will find it transforming.
5. Make Time
Make time for yourself to just have fun, exercise or to rest without allowing guilt about wasting time. The time you take for yourself is not wasted--it is vital!
6. Allow Yourself to Say No
How often do you take on a responsibility or agree to a get-together when you are already feeling overwhelmed? Put yourself first and carefully consider if this is what you truly want to do. If not, politely decline.
7. Live Your Passions and Purpose
This is your life and no one else can live it for you. Get in touch with what lights your fire and take the steps to follow your heart's desire. No one knows better than you what your path is. You are not here to please whatever plans your parents, spouse or friends have for you. You are here for your own path and purpose.
When you give yourself the gift of unconditional love you are equipped to offer that same gift to others. Be a generator of love from the inside out and you will always be in the feeling of love!

Estra Roell is a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach and Advanced PSYCH-K® facilitator, known as America's Life Purpose Coach™. She helps clients get in touch with their highest passions and purpose and assists them to uncover and remove any blockages or old patterns that may be holding them back from living a life of joy, purpose and abundance. Estra is also a co-author of the books "101 Great Ways to Enhance Your Career" and "How to Create a Rich, Successful and Fulfilling Life."
Visit her website at http://www.americaslifepurposecoach.com/ to receive her free report on "Visioning Your Purpose and Heading Toward it Today" and Tuesday Success Tips. Listen in to her radio show, The Enlightened Woman at http://bbmglobalnetwork.com/the-enlightened-woman on demand.

Love Is What Love Does

If there is any word in this world that has lost its place in relationships, it's love. The world has substituted love for everything from people, to money, careers, things, sex, feelings, etc. The saddest thing about it, the replacements has crept their way to church. Most relationships among the people of God are now a reflection of what's in the world rather than a replica of what's in the Word. Love itself has not changed. It is built solely on your acts-what you do, what you give-your every act of kindness.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son... " St John 3:16 NIV
Love is verified through deeds of kindness. It hasn't lost its luster, its purpose, its drive, or its assignment. It has and always will do what it was originally intended to do. In order to receive the complete manifestation of it, we have to give up our own selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive perception and definition of love and take on the real genuine meaning of it. For the bible defines love as God.
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8 NIV
Love's definition is so plain and simple, but its people who have made it so complex. In this is generation, most efforts to find love are initiated with dreams of settling down with the fine biceps, nice body, beautiful hair, and that exceptionally financial-friendly person, not realizing that this mindset of settling down is rather more in lines of settling for the imitation version of love. Understand that having someone who's handsome and beautiful with money is not the problem. The dilemma is failing to decipher what takes precedence over the other in relationship. Do they love you? or have they fallen head-over-hills in love with what you have? This is not a gender-specific error, for it applies to male and female. People have simply reconstructed the meaning of love and its attributes to fit them and their own personal agenda, and wonder why relationships often result in death. Understand that when it comes to building anything, especially relationships, the initial start of the construction, the foundation, influences the assembly of the entire building. If your relationship foundation is built on anything other than the things that's designed to make it durable and stand against the poundings of the heat, rain, and winds, it will sooner or later tumble. At some point, no matter how good it looks, or appear to others, it will come down. How your life of love is built matters.
"Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it... " Psalm 127:1 KJV
What Bait Are You Using to Attract Love?
On a journey for love, we have a tendency to display the very thing we want others to like or love about us most. For example, women and men alike, whether consciously or subconsciously, tend to highlight tangible things such as cars, homes, money, etc.; financial statuses, physical physiques, careers, and ministry are included. Please don't misinterpret this to suggest that all those things carry no weight in relationships, because to a certain degree they do. However, on a search for love, the thing you really need to place emphasis on most is the real genuine qualities of you-no makeup, body parts, financial status, or anything of such. Displaying all these outer qualities draws attention away from the real you. Therefore, leading others to love what you do best; enticing them to place emphasis on your body parts, careers, and monetary status more than you. At the end of the day, when real love comes, it's looking for you. This rings true in all relationships, whether seeking a spouse, friend, job, business, or even relationships in ministry. You'd be surprised to the many people who falls in love with the idea of marriage or the wedding more so than the person they're marrying or married to. Many relationships are held together by finances; as many are also intact as long as he or she retains their physical physique. You must remember that the adhesive you use to hold your relationship together will fasten as long as you use the right glue. If the glue you use loses its ability to stick, whatever's held together by it is at risk of falling apart. With that being said, to ensure real genuine love in your relationships, take advantage of the glue, the love, the God that's able to make it stick and last. This is the love that is defined and generated by God.
Your Relationship with God Reflects
Your relationship with God is a direct reflection of your relationship with others. For that reason, the bible requires us to love God first, then others as we would ourselves. Rightly so, we're not ready to love others until we learn how to love God. For loving God teaches us how to love ourselves as well as others. If your love for others is out of alignment or not in the right perspective, then your relationship with God is the same-questionable. We must be careful and intentional about not choosing to make a life with people who do not have a relationship with God. On the other hand, it's just as risky to pursue relationships with those who do love God, while lacking in that area yourself. That will attract major turmoil for both involved. If he has problems loving God, he'll have problems loving the people or daughter of God. We're conceding to allow others to love us according to the world's standards and not the Word's when we don't strategize in relationships. Don't choose to accept reduced or imitation love over the abundant kind of love that only comes from God. If it means having to wait on the Lord, then wait.
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends... " 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV

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Unconditional Love and Forgiveness

I often use stream-of-consciousness writing to find illumination and clarity when I am experiencing internal struggle. I want to share the wisdom that came through in my writing today.
Dear Beloved, please talk to me about unconditional love and forgiveness.
You want love to be easy and a continuing sequence of moments in which you feel loved, adored, and nurtured. When that doesn't happen, you call foul and retreat to lick your wounds. That is conditional love - love based on what another gives you and how that person makes you feel. Everything is wonderful and loving when you feel good, and not so wonderful or loving when you don't feel good.
Unconditional love is seeing who the other person is soul-deep, beneath the layers of ego, and recognizing your spiritual connection - your brotherhood. Ego will always serve to misguide you when it comes to how you perceive others because ego is based on fear and separation. It is based on asking what you can get and how you can protect what you've got so that another doesn't take it from you. It is based on how you can get more of whatever makes you feel good in the moment. There may well be moments when you feel the powerful energy of love because you feel so good, but what happens when things don't go your way and you don't feel good anymore? Do you lash out, criticize, attack, withdraw, hold resentments within you? This is conditional love - love based on how someone makes you feel.
Unconditional love begins with recognizing who you are as a Child of God - a perfect expression of Divine Love. Unconditional love is you embracing your true identity beneath the illusions of ego... and you recognizing the true identity of everyone else. What is in you is in everyone. Unconditional love is allowing, opening yourself to being a channel for Divine Love - love that says I see who you truly are, and I embrace you as my soul sister or brother.
What happens when I feel wronged or hurt by the egoic actions of another? How can I forgive with unconditional love?
Recognize that if you believe you can be wronged or hurt, you are identifying with ego. Your true self is eternal and cannot be hurt in any way. Recognize that what you perceive as a wrong or an injustice or a hurt is an illusion that can be corrected and forgiven. In truth, nothing can harm who you really are.
What if I see who another truly is beneath the layers of ego and I want a relationship with the beautiful soul that person really is, but he/she is still totally identified with egoic thinking?
Love them and release them to experience their journeys. Unconditional love is loving others when they come into your life, and when your journeys must diverge, allowing them to go with love. Anything else is conditional and controlling. Wanting others to be a certain way and to fulfill certain requirements places conditions on your love. You are trying to control another for your own self-interests. You want the beautiful love you experience when they are identified with their true selves, but you don't want the negativity and insanity of their egos. This is conditional love. Release them and allow them to go with love so that they can experience their journeys, which are theirs to take. Unconditional love is the love that God has for you. No matter what choices you have made in your life, God's Love for you has remained true. God has loved you through it all, as you have experienced your journey and as you have exercised your free will. There are no conditions to God's Love, no attempts to control or demand, only recognition of who you are as His Child, in spite of what you say and do at the level of ego, and all-encompassing love for you. God allows you to experience your journey in your own way with total love for you. This is how you are called to love - unconditionally.
You asked about unconditional love and forgiveness. Forgiveness means realizing that anything you experience as "not love" is happening at the level of ego and is the result of mistaken perceptions, which can be corrected. Whenever you feel uncertain or conflicted, return to the inner truth and knowing of your soul. Ask for guidance to be able to recognize the misperception and release it. Ground yourself in your soul and open to the unconditional love that is there, that is you, and allow it to fill you and flow from you out into the world.
Unconditional love means that you recognize the spiritual truth of another and your eternal connection at the soul level. Forgiveness is recognizing when ego gets in the way and correcting any misperceptions that temporary identification with ego creates.
Be the Love that you are. That is truth. Everything else is illusion and can be corrected and forgiven.
My dear spiritual sisters and brothers, I pray that you will find guidance and truth in the wisdom that flowed through in my writing today. Namaste, my dears.

I invite you to visit my website at http://discoverlifebeyondmeasure.com to find more posts about healing and personal and spiritual growth. I look forward to connecting with you there. Namaste

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Love is the most powerful thing in the world with enormous potential to give life. For all the power love holds, we still live in a world that is hungry for love. Everyone is looking for love. We look for love, think we have found it, and then find ourselves disillusioned when the feelings go away. Well what does real love look like anyway? What is the love we all need and want? How will we know when we've found it?
Depending on who's doing the talking and what is being expressed, love means different things to different people. Two people might commit themselves to love each other but have different ideas of what it really means. Some think of being in love as an unexplainable feeling that we fall in and out of, especially in today's society. Love can also mean a self-sacrificing action on behalf of others. Some use the word love to refer to a desire for a sexual relationship. Even in everyday conversation we use the word love to refer to a variety of things. For instance, I love music or I love my computer or I really love your hair like that.
Love can be a dangerous word because it can mean so many different things to different people it can end up meaning nothing at all. Love makes us vulnerable to being hurt, misunderstood, embarrassed, or taken advantage of. Some have been so hurt by elusiveness of love that they've given up on it, totally washed their hands of it.
I hope after reading this article and studying the scriptures for yourself that you will find love isn't so elusive after all. It might help us though to make a distinction between the different kinds of love before we proceed any further, then focus on the kind of Christian love the Holy Spirit produces or God's kind of love.
In the Greek language there are four words that describe this act of loving. I don't particularly care for Greek words because I don't speak Greek, but in this case it helps us to understand Christian love better.
The first is the Eros. It is from this word Eros that we get the word erotic and romantic. What it is basically is the chemical reaction between a male and a female. During the New Testament times this word Eros was associated with lust. Love on this level is usually self-centered.
The second word is Philia. Philia is the kind of human love that comes out because we appreciate the goodness of others. Sometimes we say I love him or her for what they did in my time of need, or for a community or country. It is not romantic. It is more gratitude, admiration and respect.
The third word for love is Storge. This is the love that is shared between family members, most of the time that is. Between spouses, brothers and sisters, parents and children. This love is often conditional on some kind of relationship.
And then there is Agape, the word the Bible uses and the word we are concerned about here. It is not the I love because I am loved love. Neither is it the I love you because I need you love. Agape is the kind of love Jesus showed on the cross. Forgiving those who were persecuting Him. This love is sacrificial, self-giving, and unmerited by the recipient.
It loves those who are hard to love. Agape is the hardest kind of love because it is loving those that we might feel don't deserve it, loving even when we know we won't get it in return. Its the kind of love that the Holy Spirit produces within us and allows us to do things that we cannot do by ourselves. No wonder Paul puts it at the beginning of the list of the Fruit of the Spirit.
One of the first steps in receiving and releasing God's kind of love is to recognize the difference between human love and a true God-kind of love. Man's corrupt nature doesn't have access to God's love. God is love and any man or woman who does not have God is separated from true love. Human love and God's love are not even in the same class. Basically, human love is selfish and God's love is totally unselfish. Human love says, I'll love you as long as you do what I want you to. God's love is unconditional.
First Corinthians 13:4-8 lists the characteristics of God's love. Few understand and appreciate how unique God's love really is. We relate God's love similarly to the way we've been loved. Our bad experiences prevent us from accepting God's love bringing Him down to our level thinking His love is conditional or proportional to our performance. That's how everyone else loves us, but God's love is different. Its like no other love you've ever experienced.
God's love never fails, even when we do. God's love is unconditional. We didn't do anything to deserve it and therefore, God doesn't withdraw His love when we don't deserve it. God loves us because He is love, not because we are lovable.
As we explore the characteristics of real love get ready for a revelation that will change your life. Then make a decision to renew your mind in the area of God's love. Ask the Lord to teach you anew what His love is all about.
Real love is longsuffering and kind. Charity suffers long, and is kind. The first characteristic of God s love recorded in 1 Corinthians 13 is long-suffering and kind. There are two ways to apply these truths. As Christians, we are to be long-suffering and kind to others, but this also describes the way God acts toward us. God is love (1 John 4:8), and the reason we can act in love toward others, is because He first acted in love toward us (1 John 4:19).
If you think God holds a grudge with you every time you do something wrong you will hold a grudge with others who do wrong to you. We give out of what we receive. If we can't receive love we can't give it. God doesn't ask more of us than what He is willing to give. He wouldn't tell us to be long-suffering and kind to others and then be short tempered with us. No! The Lord is very long-suffering and kind in His dealings with us. Kindness and long-suffering are distinguishing characteristics of God's kind of love for us.
Real love does not envy. The dictionary defines envy as discontented desire or resentment aroused by another's possessions, achievements, or advantages. A person who is discontent or resents others who have more things, more talent or a better job, is a person who does not appreciate God's love for him. When we receive God's love for us, a supernatural contentment settles into our lives that cannot be affected by the desire for things. Discontentment is envy and is at the root of all temptation.
Take Adam and Eve as an example. Before the devil could get them to sin, he had to make them discontent. That was not easy to do. They had no needs. They had never been hurt or abused. However he made them believe they were missing out on something. He made two people, living in paradise dissatisfied with perfection. That's amazing!
This shows that contentment isn't a state of being, but a state of mind. If perfect people living in a perfect world could become discontented, then certainly imperfect people living in an imperfect world can be discontented regardless of how things are going. We have to learn to be content in all states (Philippines. 4:11). God's love will give us the contentment we desire.
Real love is not boastful or proud. In other words, those who are full of real love don't think they are better than others. This characteristic of real love is the flip side of a love that is not envious or jealous. Jealousy wants what someone else has, but bragging tries to make others jealous of what we have. Jealousy puts others down, bragging builds ourselves up. Real love does not brag about its accomplishments. It is not given to self-display, not even to carefully worded statements of subtle self-promotion. King Solomon said it well when he wrote; Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth (Proverbs 27:2).
Real love knows how to behave. One of the biggest lies the devil ever sold us is that love is an over powering feeling that cannot be controlled. However God's kind of love never acts in an inappropriate way. To behave unseemly means to behave indecently or in a shameful manner. The Greek word that is translated unseemly literally means an indecency. In other words, God's kind of love never bares itself in an indecent manner.
How does behaving improperly relate to the principle of real love referred to in First Corinthians 13? It reminds us that the nature of real love will never make inappropriate demands of others. Real love will never prompt an unmarried person to say, if you love me, you'll prove it by giving yourself to me. Real love according to Paul, never pressures another to do something wrong to prove their loyalty. It seeks the best for the one loved not the personal gain, pleasure, or control that manipulation is often designed to achieve.
Real love is not selfish. The most distinguishing characteristic of the true God kind of love is that it is not selfish or self-serving. It describes a heart that is not so consumed with its own interests that it cannot show concern for the needs and interests of others.
Jesus is the best example of real love. He showed the kind of real love that is able to look beyond its own interests and embrace the concerns of others. Jesus didn't come to this earth to satisfy Himself. Ultimately, He did receive great satisfaction by redeeming mankind back to Himself. But the act of Jesus becoming flesh was for us, not for Him. He left all the splendor of glory and adoration and came to dwell for 30 years in the most humble surroundings, endured the scorn and ridicule of the religious establishment. Then suffered the ultimate rejection of crucifixion and took all the shame that went with being a condemned criminal. Yet He did all of this because God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son. (John 3:16)
Real love doesn't have a short fuse. It is not easily provoked. The next characteristic of real love describes a love that is not touchy or irritable. Oftentimes this important quality of love goes out with the wash. After years of shared displeasure, husbands and wives can become easily aggravated with each other. Parents shout at their children in frustration. Why do we get provoked? Sometimes we fester inside because we want what we want, when we want it and we wont take later for an answer. These temper tantrums provide evidence of our own selfishness.
There is, however, a time when it is proper to be emotionally upset and agitated. For example the attitude of Paul in Acts 17:16. The scripture says while Paul waited for them at Athens, his spirit was provoked within him when he saw that the city was given over to idols.
Paul's provocation was both called for and loving. The more he saw and thought about the idolatry of the city, the more concerned and upset he became in behalf of those who were being hurt and misled by such false religion.
Jesus also was deeply provoked when He turned over the tables of the temple moneychangers. He was loving enough to be angered by the commercialism that was disrupting the Court of the Gentiles in His Fathers House of Prayer. He cared for those who had lost a quiet place to pray (Mt. 21:12-13). Jesus was not expressing the kind of touchiness and irritability that signals a lack of love. When He was provoked, it was only because He was thoughtfully and lovingly aroused to take action against practices that were hurting the people He loved.
Paul's and Jesus' actions remind us that there is a time to be angry. This anger, however, needs to be expressed in love, and without sin (Eph. 4:26).
Real love doesn't keep score and thinks no evil. The Greek word translated thinks no evil is an accounting term that means to count up, to take account of as in a ledger or notebook. The evils referred to are the wrongs or hurts received at the hand of others. The love that thinks no evil is a love that wont keep records of unkindness, hold bitter grudges or allow longstanding resentments against others with the intent of someday getting even, even when the wrongs done against us are real. When we keep track of wrongs with the intent of making others pay, we ourselves pay more than we can afford.
Real love does not keep a record of wrongs. Thinking on the wrongs we suffer from others magnifies the offense until it becomes bigger than it actually is. We don't need to keep a record of wrongs to protect ourselves when we know that God is in control of the outcome and looking after our needs.
Real love doesn't rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. The word rejoices means to experience joy or pleasure. Real love does not find delight in anything God says is wrong. Neither does love take secret satisfaction in the moral failures of others. Real love does not hide evil by keeping secrets that need to be exposed. Real love does not pass along a juicy morsel of someone else's failure just because it tastes good to do so. Real love does not gossip to break the monotony, or to appear knowledgeable, or to feel better about itself by publishing the news of someone else's shame. Breaking the news of sin must be for the good of others rather than to promote a feeding frenzy around someone else's embarrassment and pain.
Real love can bear anything. The word bears comes from a Greek word that means roof. This is an awesome revelation. Real love covers and protects like a roof covers a house and protects it from storms. Real love bears the storms of disappointment, the rains of failure, and the winds of time and circumstance. It provides a covering that shields from the extremes of cold winters and hot summer sun. It provides a place of shelter that can withstand the worst circumstances imaginable.
Real love believes all things. One of the great indicators of whether or not we are walking in God's love is the level of faith we exhibit. Love begets faith. As this verse says, Love believes all things. Faith worketh by love. (Galatians. 5:6) When we experience the love God has for us, faith will come as a natural by-product of His love.
A young child in his father's arms trusts his father completely and doesn't have a care in the world. He doesn't struggle to believe for his meals, clothes or needs. His loving father will take care of it all. That's the similarity Jesus made to encourage us to trust God for our needs (Luke 11:11-13). A loving relationship with our Heavenly Father is the key to a life of faith.
If you have a problem trusting God in any area of your life that is an indicator that something is wrong. Like the warning light on the dash of your car. You don't try and disconnect the warning light you fix the problem that caused the light to come on, and then the light will automatically turn off. Likewise, a lack of faith is a warning light that indicates you aren't properly focused on the love of God. Once you return to the place of intimacy with the Lord, where you are fully aware of His great love for you, then faith will be so abundant that you can believe all things.
Real love never quits hoping. Hopelessness is a terrible thing. God's Word says, where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18). Lack of hope is behind most, if not all of the self-destruction we see in the lives of people today. They don't believe they have a future so they throw away today never thinking of the consequences while all the while they are headed for disaster.
Luck and fate does not generate hope. It's only in knowing that a personal, loving God is working all things for our good (Romans 8:28), that we can truly find hope. God has a perfect plan for your life. Regardless of where you are now, no matter how far off the track you may have strayed, God has a perfect course plotted for you from where you are now, to where you are supposed to be (Jeremiah 29:11). Believe that God loves you in spite of what you have, or have not done; and then hope will spring up in your heart.
Real love endures everything. Life is full of pressures that repeatedly drive us to and beyond our limits to cope. We've all at one time or another have gone off the deep end so to say in response to pressure. We excuse it way and justify actions because of our prideful nature. The truth is where our limit ends God's power begins. There is no need for us to feel we must totally rely on our own resources. God lives in every true believer and has placed His supernatural love in us so that we can endure all things.
Real love never fails. I Corinthians 13:8 God is love (l John 4:8) and God never fails. Individuals may fail to respond to His love and therefore bear the consequences, but love never fails. Love always prevails in the end we just need to give it time. The Lord doesn't force everyone and everything into obedience. The Lord is long-suffering and gives everyone an opportunity to repent (2 Peter 3:9-10).
There is another element to love we cannot forget about and that is forgiveness. Part of loving someone as Jesus loves is forgiving those who have wronged us or who have wronged Jesus with their sin. God has not set up His children as judges of the sins of others, for any one of us could fall at any time. It is only by the grace of God that we are where we are. Jesus gives an example of this in John 21, when he reinstates Peter after his denial. Jesus asked Peter do you love me more than these disciples? Peter answered that he did indeed love Jesus and our Lord said, then love, lead, and take care of my sheep. Jesus wants us to love Him and love and care for each other. His final words to Peter were follow me!! And that is His word to us today. Follow Him, obey His commands and care for each other.
Have you experienced real find love? Do you know where can to find real love? Let me share with you some good news you are already loved. I am sure you've heard this before, but I'll say again anyway. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. That's John 3:16.
Jesus said, "Do not worry, saying, what shall we eat? Or what shall we drink? Or what shall we wear? For all these things the Gentiles seek. Your heavenly Father knows you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you (Matthew 6:31-33). We will never be able to really love others until we believe we are loved in this way.
Have you taken that first step of finding love in Christ? Have you entrusted yourself to Him? Have you believed the Bible when it says Christ died for your sins?
The starting point is to acknowledge your sin and your need of Christ, who came to seek and to save that which was lost (Luke 19:10). It is in Christ that we find the love of God, and it is in Him that we see what it means to live in the kind of love Paul described. He is the One who calls us not merely to a higher standard but to let Him live His life through us.

Scripture references from the King James Version of the Bible.

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