Nature never meant a human soul to be alone. This is a human
condition formed from the ego, and built out of necessity. Nature does
not separate us into you and me, them and they, we do. Nature would not
cause a relationship to finish. She would cause two branches to find a
way to adapt to each other. Both would bend, a bit.
Singledom is a state of the ego. It's a lifestyle choice. Someone might say, "I like being single" they mean, "I like being right, I like being the most important person in my private life" But you can't be self righteous or self obsessed in a relationship, that is impossible.
Other people are single and say "I wish I wasn't" but this is also a lifestyle choice. This single person wants the house the way "THEY" like it. They want the car the way "THEY" like it. THEY want the children bought up the way "THEY" like it. THEY want the relationship to be the way "THEY" like it. Individuality and independence go hand in hand with singledom. You can't be right all the time in relationship.
Many people are in relationships but they are single. They have the house the way "THEY" like it and their partner has their garden the way "THEY" like it. So there are two, single people, independently drawing boundaries around the house and in their hearts. Boundaries in relationships are like hand holds on a cliff face, nice to take a break, but you can't stay there forever.
Two souls merged with love can never be happy together. They can only be in-love together. The soul has no emotion, so happy is not the experience of soul. The ego can be happy, but two souls in love will cause two egos to be both happy and sad, supported and challenged. This is the difference between hippie love (all happy and blissful) and real sacred love (happy and blissful and sad and shitty). The soul has only one quest, a quest to find itself. It is not motivated by happy or sad, it is motivated on a quest for love, more support, more challenge.
Our soul mate is ourselves and we are searching for it. But we can't find it alone, single. So many single people are devoted to finding themselves but don't realize that by being single they kill the path. Have you ever tried to look into a dirty mirror? There is no reflection. It is the same as a soul. It can never "know itself" it can only know it's reflection. That soul mirror is a lover, partner a relationship. And the more that relationship challenges your ego, the deeper it takes you to your soul, as long as you can be humble enough to grow and learn - rather than be stuck in ego - always right)
Many single people are looking for the "right one" Very often you can say to a single person "I know someone who is also single" and they will ask you "how many heads do they have and how many this and that" So this single person has built a cardboard impression of their perfect partner and they are looking for the right fit person to step through the cutout. But they will always be single, because that cardboard cut out is standing in the way of love.
The real demon
Then there are single people who have a carry over history. They have skeletons in the cupboard and those skeletons are dancing around in their head. A rape, a broken heart, an abuse, a lost love, a parent who passed. Something happened in the past that has soured their trust in humanity and love. This person is really dead. They died with the event and have struggled on courageously ever since. They can easily seduce someone into a one night stand, but this person withdraws from the cutting edge of love very soon after.
It is this last scenario that is the most serious. Firstly because it is, if not dealt with inevitably going to lead to an illness, cancer, disease or accident. Secondly because it is going to hurt allot of people.
The master of seduction is this person with unfinished business. We all have expressed and repressed. The one who masters the art of seduction and flirtation, is always the one who is suppressing the complete opposite, a deep, deep wound that will prevent their heart being open.
Sometimes legs open to give the impression of a heart open. Sometimes a lover delights their partner on the first early night to mask the deeper reality of loneliness and desperation for love. Sometimes the most needy is the most giving in love all to heal the wound inside.
Nature is a bitch in this game. Her mission is growth, the evolution of the planet and its specie. We are one of them. So what we don't love we attract. In complete contrast to the works of amateur psychologists who make dvd's and send them with some sense of "secret message" the power of attraction that the ego can generate is far weaker than natures truth. Nature teaches us love. This is our journey. So she takes those things we hate, and gives them to us.
What we repress, others express. Excess and deficiency. If we hate laziness, our lover becomes lazy. Nature declares, what we judge in this world we breed in our children, attract in our lover or discover that we are, by a strange twist of fate, we become that which we judged.
These skeletons in the cupboard keep us attached to the past. We may blame our ex partner for hurting us, and find a therapist to agree. We might accuse our parents of molestation and justify our incompetence in relationships for the rest of our lives. We may feel sorry for ourselves for the depression and near devastation we experienced at the hands of a broken love affair. There are so many pains, and losses and memories that can build a wardrobe, no, a whole museum of skeletons in the cupboard.
Soul-Lutions (solutions for those who didn't get it)
What solution for the lonely soul whose skeletons are causing them pain? We can't change a person, we can only change the way they think. Firstly they must see that being angry with someone is an important phase of separation but an extremely temporary phase. Secondly, they must see that they always got exactly what they wanted in their life, even if they blamed someone for the whole of their life.
Nature does not inflict a curst on people. That is the role of the vindictive God in fundamental religion. Nature does nothing ever vindictive. She simply teaches us to love more of the world that we judge. Lets say you were with your lover and they left you. This might be a terrible shock to you on one level because you expressed that you wanted a life with that lover. But we have expressed and repressed feelings (this is where the myth of positive thinking falls apart) - so the more you say "I will be here forever, the more you are covering over the part of you that fears the complete opposite - (next week will be too long).
Nature does not inflict a curse, but she is also not deluded, like everyone else who might meet the seductive side of your personality. Nature recognizes both sides, the expressed and the repressed and feeds you the one that is necessary for balance. The more you infatuate with someone, the more nature gives you to resent. The more you disguise or repress one part of you, the more nature forces your environment (sometimes your lover) to express. Love is balance and to see two sides of anything, is love.
Really, there are only two emotions that can keep a skeleton in the cupboard, and therefore, at this universal level prevent a person becoming in love. Fear and Guilt.
Fear is always of the future. If something happened in the past, and we fear it happening again, or we are in uncertain circumstances, fear of the future can block our dreams, and our dreams are needed to help form the long term bonds of love.
Guilt of the past. A painful experience. Even the death of a parent, domestic violence, being cheated on. All this causes human guilt. Guilt is not limited to the catholic church, although they seem to have perfected it and marketed it well, we are all subject to the ravages of guilt for events we seemingly had no control over.
Why is this so, and how do we deal with it?
Lets use an example. Your partner was not meeting the standards you'd hoped. You worked hard to raise the standards, you did more, you gave more, you even loved them more, but they didn't meet the standards. You coached them, begged them, wished them betterment, you invited them to workshops, you read books on how to improve things. Let's say this was you.
One day they declared to you that they had an affair, and this was the end of it. You kicked them out and all your friends, who you'd been complaining to about your lover's incapacity to meet the grade, agreed with you, "about time they said"
But as the months and years go on, you have a few loose nights with hungry lovers, you party and flirt with a few dates, you start to feel sad. There was something in that old relationship that was really good, something you miss. And you start to realize how much you really loved that sun of a gun.... that crazy lady ... that lazy so and so .. that emotional fruit cake.... And all of a sudden you miss them terribly.... Now you are in a trap. You can't go on into another relationship hanging onto the past, and you can't go back. Now you are single. And this, believe it or not, is the case for 95% of all single people over the age of 25.
Stuck in the middle. New relationships don't work or are of no interest, the old one, the one you complained about bitterly while you were in it, starts to look better and better. The universe gave you love, and you pushed it away.
And there is the guilt.
You had the love and you compared that person to some book, some idea, some contradiction to your parents, or similarity to your father or mother, you iconified their behavior as the measure of love, instead of what was inside your heart. And now, with time and space, you know, deeply know, what love really means.
There are a million process to deal with guilt. You can go to therapists and churches and do meditations and yoga and all sorts of mental gymnastics with gurus and self help teachers. But you cannot, ever eradicate guilt.
Because guilt is love.
Live with Spirit - make every moment count
Singledom is a state of the ego. It's a lifestyle choice. Someone might say, "I like being single" they mean, "I like being right, I like being the most important person in my private life" But you can't be self righteous or self obsessed in a relationship, that is impossible.
Other people are single and say "I wish I wasn't" but this is also a lifestyle choice. This single person wants the house the way "THEY" like it. They want the car the way "THEY" like it. THEY want the children bought up the way "THEY" like it. THEY want the relationship to be the way "THEY" like it. Individuality and independence go hand in hand with singledom. You can't be right all the time in relationship.
Many people are in relationships but they are single. They have the house the way "THEY" like it and their partner has their garden the way "THEY" like it. So there are two, single people, independently drawing boundaries around the house and in their hearts. Boundaries in relationships are like hand holds on a cliff face, nice to take a break, but you can't stay there forever.
Two souls merged with love can never be happy together. They can only be in-love together. The soul has no emotion, so happy is not the experience of soul. The ego can be happy, but two souls in love will cause two egos to be both happy and sad, supported and challenged. This is the difference between hippie love (all happy and blissful) and real sacred love (happy and blissful and sad and shitty). The soul has only one quest, a quest to find itself. It is not motivated by happy or sad, it is motivated on a quest for love, more support, more challenge.
Our soul mate is ourselves and we are searching for it. But we can't find it alone, single. So many single people are devoted to finding themselves but don't realize that by being single they kill the path. Have you ever tried to look into a dirty mirror? There is no reflection. It is the same as a soul. It can never "know itself" it can only know it's reflection. That soul mirror is a lover, partner a relationship. And the more that relationship challenges your ego, the deeper it takes you to your soul, as long as you can be humble enough to grow and learn - rather than be stuck in ego - always right)
Many single people are looking for the "right one" Very often you can say to a single person "I know someone who is also single" and they will ask you "how many heads do they have and how many this and that" So this single person has built a cardboard impression of their perfect partner and they are looking for the right fit person to step through the cutout. But they will always be single, because that cardboard cut out is standing in the way of love.
The real demon
Then there are single people who have a carry over history. They have skeletons in the cupboard and those skeletons are dancing around in their head. A rape, a broken heart, an abuse, a lost love, a parent who passed. Something happened in the past that has soured their trust in humanity and love. This person is really dead. They died with the event and have struggled on courageously ever since. They can easily seduce someone into a one night stand, but this person withdraws from the cutting edge of love very soon after.
It is this last scenario that is the most serious. Firstly because it is, if not dealt with inevitably going to lead to an illness, cancer, disease or accident. Secondly because it is going to hurt allot of people.
The master of seduction is this person with unfinished business. We all have expressed and repressed. The one who masters the art of seduction and flirtation, is always the one who is suppressing the complete opposite, a deep, deep wound that will prevent their heart being open.
Sometimes legs open to give the impression of a heart open. Sometimes a lover delights their partner on the first early night to mask the deeper reality of loneliness and desperation for love. Sometimes the most needy is the most giving in love all to heal the wound inside.
Nature is a bitch in this game. Her mission is growth, the evolution of the planet and its specie. We are one of them. So what we don't love we attract. In complete contrast to the works of amateur psychologists who make dvd's and send them with some sense of "secret message" the power of attraction that the ego can generate is far weaker than natures truth. Nature teaches us love. This is our journey. So she takes those things we hate, and gives them to us.
What we repress, others express. Excess and deficiency. If we hate laziness, our lover becomes lazy. Nature declares, what we judge in this world we breed in our children, attract in our lover or discover that we are, by a strange twist of fate, we become that which we judged.
These skeletons in the cupboard keep us attached to the past. We may blame our ex partner for hurting us, and find a therapist to agree. We might accuse our parents of molestation and justify our incompetence in relationships for the rest of our lives. We may feel sorry for ourselves for the depression and near devastation we experienced at the hands of a broken love affair. There are so many pains, and losses and memories that can build a wardrobe, no, a whole museum of skeletons in the cupboard.
Soul-Lutions (solutions for those who didn't get it)
What solution for the lonely soul whose skeletons are causing them pain? We can't change a person, we can only change the way they think. Firstly they must see that being angry with someone is an important phase of separation but an extremely temporary phase. Secondly, they must see that they always got exactly what they wanted in their life, even if they blamed someone for the whole of their life.
Nature does not inflict a curst on people. That is the role of the vindictive God in fundamental religion. Nature does nothing ever vindictive. She simply teaches us to love more of the world that we judge. Lets say you were with your lover and they left you. This might be a terrible shock to you on one level because you expressed that you wanted a life with that lover. But we have expressed and repressed feelings (this is where the myth of positive thinking falls apart) - so the more you say "I will be here forever, the more you are covering over the part of you that fears the complete opposite - (next week will be too long).
Nature does not inflict a curse, but she is also not deluded, like everyone else who might meet the seductive side of your personality. Nature recognizes both sides, the expressed and the repressed and feeds you the one that is necessary for balance. The more you infatuate with someone, the more nature gives you to resent. The more you disguise or repress one part of you, the more nature forces your environment (sometimes your lover) to express. Love is balance and to see two sides of anything, is love.
Really, there are only two emotions that can keep a skeleton in the cupboard, and therefore, at this universal level prevent a person becoming in love. Fear and Guilt.
Fear is always of the future. If something happened in the past, and we fear it happening again, or we are in uncertain circumstances, fear of the future can block our dreams, and our dreams are needed to help form the long term bonds of love.
Guilt of the past. A painful experience. Even the death of a parent, domestic violence, being cheated on. All this causes human guilt. Guilt is not limited to the catholic church, although they seem to have perfected it and marketed it well, we are all subject to the ravages of guilt for events we seemingly had no control over.
Why is this so, and how do we deal with it?
Lets use an example. Your partner was not meeting the standards you'd hoped. You worked hard to raise the standards, you did more, you gave more, you even loved them more, but they didn't meet the standards. You coached them, begged them, wished them betterment, you invited them to workshops, you read books on how to improve things. Let's say this was you.
One day they declared to you that they had an affair, and this was the end of it. You kicked them out and all your friends, who you'd been complaining to about your lover's incapacity to meet the grade, agreed with you, "about time they said"
But as the months and years go on, you have a few loose nights with hungry lovers, you party and flirt with a few dates, you start to feel sad. There was something in that old relationship that was really good, something you miss. And you start to realize how much you really loved that sun of a gun.... that crazy lady ... that lazy so and so .. that emotional fruit cake.... And all of a sudden you miss them terribly.... Now you are in a trap. You can't go on into another relationship hanging onto the past, and you can't go back. Now you are single. And this, believe it or not, is the case for 95% of all single people over the age of 25.
Stuck in the middle. New relationships don't work or are of no interest, the old one, the one you complained about bitterly while you were in it, starts to look better and better. The universe gave you love, and you pushed it away.
And there is the guilt.
You had the love and you compared that person to some book, some idea, some contradiction to your parents, or similarity to your father or mother, you iconified their behavior as the measure of love, instead of what was inside your heart. And now, with time and space, you know, deeply know, what love really means.
There are a million process to deal with guilt. You can go to therapists and churches and do meditations and yoga and all sorts of mental gymnastics with gurus and self help teachers. But you cannot, ever eradicate guilt.
Because guilt is love.
Live with Spirit - make every moment count
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