If too many of your first dates are not turning into second dates, you may be making some of these common first date mistakes.
You might think you're too experienced or sophisticated to make first date mistakes, but we can all slip up in a tense situation. And when you are trying to make a good first impression, it's natural to be tense and nervous. So read them and be honest with yourself. It's not impossible you've been getting it wrong up to now; but being aware of your first date mistakes will help you not to repeat them.
1. Don't Be Late
This one should go without saying. If you can't be bothered to show up on time, and you haven't called your date with a plausible (and true) excuse, then they're going to assume that they don't come very high up on your list of priorities. And so they'll act accordingly.
2. Don't Forget That Conversation is Shared Between Two People
On a first date you should each be interested in what the other has to say. This is your first chance to find out whether you have any mutual compatibility and interests in common. Ask questions and be interested in the answers. And look for a similar interest from your date. Self-absorption is not attractive, so if either of you end up hogging all the conversation, it's a red flag. Another date is unlikely.
3. Don't be Desperate (or Insecure)
Don't ask him if he's looking to date seriously, or whether he wants children, or where he sees himself in 3 years' time. Any mention of the future is inappropriate when you've only just met, and is sure to have him high-tailing out of the door having just remembered an urgent reason to be elsewhere. A relationship is an organic creation that evolves over time. There is no magic formula that will produce it fully formed on a first date.
You should also avoid asking for reassurance, or making negative or disparaging comments about yourself. Accept compliments gracefully, but don't try to prise them out of him. Confidence is essential; so fake it if you don't feel it. Remember that he asked you for a date, so he finds you attractive. That's all you need to know.
4. Don't Talk About Money
Unless you want to come across as a shameless gold digger, don't ask him how much he earns, how expensive a car or apartment he has, or how he sees his promotion prospects. These things shouldn't matter right now, and you will find out naturally as you get to know him better. Talking about them on your first date makes you look mercenary. And always offer to split the bill. It's fine if he refuses, but taking it for granted that he should pay will make you look like a freeloader.
5. Don't Mention Your Ex
Talking about your ex another no-no. Depending on what you say, you will either appear bitter or that you are still hung up on him. If your ex still matters that much to you, you shouldn't be dating yet. Take some time out to get over him, and get the past in perspective. You shouldn't be thinking of another guy when you are out with someone new for the first time. Making it clear that you are does not make a good first impression.
6. Do Pick a Good Time and Location
An ideal first date should be in public, in daylight and short. This ensures your safety, and by leaving your date wanting more it generates enthusiasm for a second date. Coffee or a quick drink is ideal, as you can leave easily if it's a disaster, or take a relaxing stroll around the town if it goes well. Have somewhere else to go after about 2 hours, and stick to it. Don't over-egg the pudding, but leave some for the second date - and give him a reason to ask for one.
7. Do Wear Something Pretty and Feminine
He wants to date you because you're a woman - so play up your femininity. Wear something that shows off your curves and that you know suits you, as this will boost your confidence. But don't interpret "feminine" to mean "scanty". You want to intrigue him, which means not giving him a full view of everything you have to offer. You want him to be able to think about more than just sex in your company.
8. Do be Friendly and Positive
No matter how nervous you are, try to relax. You want to have a good time and make him feel good in your company. You won't do that if you spend the whole evening on edge and wondering if you're managing to make a good first impression.
If you tend to find conversation difficult, then prepare yourself beforehand. Have some light and amusing topics ready so that you aren't rendered silent by nerves. If all else fails, ask him about himself. It's a favourite subject with most men.
Remember the old adage: 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'. Don't complain about your life or bad-mouth the people you know. No-one likes a grouch, and talking negatively about other people says more about you than it does about them. You want to appear the happy, positive person you really are,
9. Do Avoid Controversial Subjects
Getting into an argument about politics or religion is not a great thing to do on a first date. He isn't dating you to see how good you are at arguing. Avoid subjects that might be controversial. However he remembers the date, it won't be as a fun experience if you spend it disagreeing about some hot topic. Keep the conversation light and easy.
10. Do Turn Off Your Phone
If random texts or other calls are more important than your date, then why are you there? Turn off your phone and put it away out of sight. Concentrating on your date is the highest compliment you can pay him (and vice versa). Neither of you should be concerned with cyberspace right now. It's your opportunity to make a good first impression on each other. Don't waste it.
If any of these first date mistakes are ringing bells with you, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that nerves can make fools of us all, but we live to fight another day. And now that you are more aware of what you are doing wrong, you can work on fixing it - and getting a lot more second and subsequent dates in future.
You might think you're too experienced or sophisticated to make first date mistakes, but we can all slip up in a tense situation. And when you are trying to make a good first impression, it's natural to be tense and nervous. So read them and be honest with yourself. It's not impossible you've been getting it wrong up to now; but being aware of your first date mistakes will help you not to repeat them.
1. Don't Be Late
This one should go without saying. If you can't be bothered to show up on time, and you haven't called your date with a plausible (and true) excuse, then they're going to assume that they don't come very high up on your list of priorities. And so they'll act accordingly.
2. Don't Forget That Conversation is Shared Between Two People
On a first date you should each be interested in what the other has to say. This is your first chance to find out whether you have any mutual compatibility and interests in common. Ask questions and be interested in the answers. And look for a similar interest from your date. Self-absorption is not attractive, so if either of you end up hogging all the conversation, it's a red flag. Another date is unlikely.
3. Don't be Desperate (or Insecure)
Don't ask him if he's looking to date seriously, or whether he wants children, or where he sees himself in 3 years' time. Any mention of the future is inappropriate when you've only just met, and is sure to have him high-tailing out of the door having just remembered an urgent reason to be elsewhere. A relationship is an organic creation that evolves over time. There is no magic formula that will produce it fully formed on a first date.
You should also avoid asking for reassurance, or making negative or disparaging comments about yourself. Accept compliments gracefully, but don't try to prise them out of him. Confidence is essential; so fake it if you don't feel it. Remember that he asked you for a date, so he finds you attractive. That's all you need to know.
4. Don't Talk About Money
Unless you want to come across as a shameless gold digger, don't ask him how much he earns, how expensive a car or apartment he has, or how he sees his promotion prospects. These things shouldn't matter right now, and you will find out naturally as you get to know him better. Talking about them on your first date makes you look mercenary. And always offer to split the bill. It's fine if he refuses, but taking it for granted that he should pay will make you look like a freeloader.
5. Don't Mention Your Ex
Talking about your ex another no-no. Depending on what you say, you will either appear bitter or that you are still hung up on him. If your ex still matters that much to you, you shouldn't be dating yet. Take some time out to get over him, and get the past in perspective. You shouldn't be thinking of another guy when you are out with someone new for the first time. Making it clear that you are does not make a good first impression.
6. Do Pick a Good Time and Location
An ideal first date should be in public, in daylight and short. This ensures your safety, and by leaving your date wanting more it generates enthusiasm for a second date. Coffee or a quick drink is ideal, as you can leave easily if it's a disaster, or take a relaxing stroll around the town if it goes well. Have somewhere else to go after about 2 hours, and stick to it. Don't over-egg the pudding, but leave some for the second date - and give him a reason to ask for one.
7. Do Wear Something Pretty and Feminine
He wants to date you because you're a woman - so play up your femininity. Wear something that shows off your curves and that you know suits you, as this will boost your confidence. But don't interpret "feminine" to mean "scanty". You want to intrigue him, which means not giving him a full view of everything you have to offer. You want him to be able to think about more than just sex in your company.
8. Do be Friendly and Positive
No matter how nervous you are, try to relax. You want to have a good time and make him feel good in your company. You won't do that if you spend the whole evening on edge and wondering if you're managing to make a good first impression.
If you tend to find conversation difficult, then prepare yourself beforehand. Have some light and amusing topics ready so that you aren't rendered silent by nerves. If all else fails, ask him about himself. It's a favourite subject with most men.
Remember the old adage: 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'. Don't complain about your life or bad-mouth the people you know. No-one likes a grouch, and talking negatively about other people says more about you than it does about them. You want to appear the happy, positive person you really are,
9. Do Avoid Controversial Subjects
Getting into an argument about politics or religion is not a great thing to do on a first date. He isn't dating you to see how good you are at arguing. Avoid subjects that might be controversial. However he remembers the date, it won't be as a fun experience if you spend it disagreeing about some hot topic. Keep the conversation light and easy.
10. Do Turn Off Your Phone
If random texts or other calls are more important than your date, then why are you there? Turn off your phone and put it away out of sight. Concentrating on your date is the highest compliment you can pay him (and vice versa). Neither of you should be concerned with cyberspace right now. It's your opportunity to make a good first impression on each other. Don't waste it.
If any of these first date mistakes are ringing bells with you, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that nerves can make fools of us all, but we live to fight another day. And now that you are more aware of what you are doing wrong, you can work on fixing it - and getting a lot more second and subsequent dates in future.
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Get some ideas from these 7 tips for how to get the guy and spice up your love life.
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